


it must've been the wind

by sarahparah



Category: Thai Actor RPF, เพราะเราคู่กัน | 2gether: The Series (TV), เพราะเราคู่กัน | 2gether: The Series (TV) RPF
Genre: AU, Abuse, Angst, Lots of Crying, M/M, alec benjamin made me do it, mentions of mil/tine, prepare tissues, sad tine, sadfic, sarawats actually a big softie, worried sarawat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:48:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25365607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahparah/pseuds/sarahparah
Summary: Sarawat has recently moved into a flat in Bangkok. His life is forever changed when he overhears the screams and fighting coming from the flat directly above his own. He meets Tine, a broken boy, in need of a friend.
Relationships: Sarawat Guntithanon/Tine Teepakorn, Tine Teepakorn/ Mil
Comments: 22
Kudos: 127





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> okay so there's a trigger warning this time this ones a little dark and i honestly don't know why i wrote it but i was listening to the song "must've been the wind - alec benjamin" and it just came to my head 
> 
> mentions of abuse and mild cursing

2:44 a.m.

Those bright red numbers from Sarawat’s alarm clock glared into his eyes as he was startled from his peaceful sleep in his new apartment. The twenty two old had just moved out on his own and bought himself a place in Bangkok. The week had been exceptionally muggy with the rainstorm and high force winds that didn’t seem to let up. He was passed out from exhaustion on his double-sized bed, but was awakened by the ear-splitting crash of glass from the apartment above his.

“What the fuck?” Sarawat grunted in annoyance, thinking that some frat boy just came home with his buddies and was drunk. Once he heard a soft, choking sob, he immediately grew worried. “Is that crying? I should- I should go see what’s up.” Sarawat quickly pulled a pair of plaid pajama pants on and sprinted to the elevator, not bothering to lock his apartment door. The nervous boy pressed the button that would transport him to the second floor. He tapped his foot, impatiently. The elevator door finally slid open and Sarawat rushed down the hall. Once he found room 125, the boy knocked gently on the door. Fidgeting with his fingers, Sarawat waited outside the room. Thumping and shuffling came from the other side of the door until it opened.

“Hi, I’m Sarawat. I live in the apartment underneath you.” The young boy he was staring at looked no older than twenty. He had an over-sized white shirt on, which slipped down till his knees. He had dark bags under his eyes and what seemed to be fresh bruises and cuts on his cheeks, but Sarawat wasn’t quite sure due to the fact that it was quite dark.

“Hi Sarawat. Look this isn’t really a good ti-” The boys eyes darted around Sarawat’s face to his hands, to the closed door, and back at Sarawat.

“Are you okay? I heard a loud noise come from up here and some crying. I wanted to make sure nothing was happening.”

“I- I don’t know what you’re talking about. I think your ears are playing tricks on you.”

“Are- are you sure? It was really loud and it sounded like-”

“Thank you for caring, sir, but I have to go back in. I wish I could tell you about the noise but I didn’t hear a thing. It must’ve been the wind.” The boy motioned arm to the window, pointing out the storm outside.

“It couldn’t have been! Are you sure you’re okay? Are you sure you don’t know what that loud sound was?” Sarawat confidently knew what that crash came from but he didn’t want to intrude. He didn’t know all the facts and it would be rude to barge into someone else’s personal situation.

“I said, I don’t know anything. Goodnight sir.” The young stranger shrugged, trying to pretend he was clueless.

“Oh okay. Goodnight…?” Sarawat trailed off, waiting for him to say his name.

“Tine”

“Goodnight Tine.” The boy smiled at him and turned away to head back to his apartment room.

Sarawat slipped through his ajar door and shut it behind him. He just couldn’t shake the feeling. He sat on the cold concrete floor, mind swilling and beginning to feel nauseous. After hours of making himself sick due to worrying, he decided to get some rest, as much as he could, before he had to be at the studio at ten.

—

The night came slowly for Sarawat but not for Tine. Tine sat at home waiting for Mil to come back from his day doing God knows what. He scavenged around on the freezing floor, searching for any little piece of glass he could find. Mil would be pissed if he didn’t clean up the mess from early this morning. He hates being in messes, except for Tine. He loved making him a mess. Sarawat, meanwhile, was at the studio drifting in and out of sleep because of the little rest he had last night.

“Sarawat?”

“Yeah?” Sarawat jumped at the loud voice, waking up from his short nap.

“Dude,” he looked up and saw Man, “why don’t you go home? All your parts are done and you look like you need some sleep.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Bye guys.” The drained boy bids farewell to his band mates and drives home. He was so exhausted but every time he shut his eyes, the thoughts of Tine being upstairs getting hurt was plastered everywhere like a billboard. The constant rain soaked through the boy’s sweatshirt as he ran inside, trying to escape the storm. Sarawat trudged through the lobby up to his apartment room, ready to fall face-first on his bed. That’s exactly what he did when he reached his room, too.

Once again, like the night before, Sarawat was instantly awakened by loud screams from upstairs and, what sounded to be yelling. Sarawat immediately bolted out of his room to the elevator, not bothering to check what time it was.

“C’mon, c’mon!” The boy grumbled frustratingly. Finally, even though it felt like years, the elevator door opened. Sarawat darted, once again, to room 125. This time, not caring who heard him, he banged on the boy’s door. He hoped he’d answer him this time on what was really going on, but he knew that he couldn’t force him. He was nothing but a stranger to him. The door creaked open slightly. He stumbled through the door to be met with Sarawat’s scared gaze.

“Sarawat what are you-” His hair was matted with blood, face full of scars and scratches, and his eyes were empty and glossy. Sarawat couldn’t tell whether they were fresh or old and he just wasn’t able to see them last night.

“Just tell me you’re okay.”

“I’m fine, what are you talking about?” Tine knew quite well what this boy was talking about. Mil had left after beating up Tine like a punching bag. He slammed the door to the shared apartment he and Tine owned and stormed out to some women's place to sleep with her. The man hated when Tine even looked at other males, but he felt it was okay for him to cheat on Tine with no problem. After Tine had been abandoned by his boyfriend for whatever amount of time it was going to be, he sobbed in pain on the couch. When the loud knock sounded throughout the room, though, Tine jumped up to go answer right away. He thought it was going to be Mil coming back to apologize, like he did after every time he hurt him.

“I’m not crazy Tine! I can hear it from downstairs!” Sarawat was starting to get angry. Why couldn’t he just admit he needs help? Why couldn’t he just ask him for help?

“Listen, I don’t know what you think you’re hearing. Nothing is going on. It must’ve been the wind or something because-”

“Stop giving me that bullshit. You don’t deserve this Tine. You need help!”

“Look, I don’t even know you. You don’t even know me. You have no right to barge in here thinking you know everything about me and my life. So, just leave me alone.” Tine slammed the door in Sarawat’s face. Sarawat stood outside his door, fuming with unresolved anger, until he eventually went back to his room.

Sarawat stayed up all night after the encounter. He knew what he did was totally unacceptable. It was completely wrong of him to yell at him when none of this was his fault. He had to find a way to make it up to him and let him know that he could lean on him.

—

The next day, around noon, Sarawat muscled up enough courage to go talk to Tine. He nervously stood inside the elevator and walked down slowly to his room. The boy knocked upon the door labeled 125. He came out dressed in something other than his blood stained shirt. This was the first time Sarawat had seen him actually look nice and put together, which kind of made him feel more nervous.

“Sarawat, I told you-”

“If you think I’m going to believe you again…” Sarawat trailed off, not knowing what to say. “Just- just listen to me. I promise I’m not playing tricks on you. You’re always welcome to come in my apartment. You could stay for an hour or two if you ever need a friend. We can talk about the noise when you’re ready, but until then I’ll say “it must’ve been the wind.’”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dedicated to @AnaviJJ1105 @SamanthaPetrelli and @Shadow4263  
> thank you for the lovely comments that made me want to make this a chaptered fic

Sarawat’s not really sure why he can’t get the thought of Tine out of his head. He really just met the guy yesterday, and not under the best circumstances. But that night he is laying in bed trying to sleep when all of a sudden he hears yelling coming from above him. He hears stomping and then finally, broken glass again. Sarawat tries to pull a pillow over his head to quiet the noise but his heart is pounding.

All of sudden he can hear the sound of sweeping as well as weeping. The sounds are slow and steady but also rushed, if that makes any sense. 

So he lays there, listening to the sound of the swaying broom above him. He stares at the roof, knowing well that he doesn’t know all the facts. It would be wrong for him to intrude, he has no place in his neighbors personal lives. Sarawat doesn’t sleep that night. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees the face of Tine with a broken smile. He can’t stop thinking about what happens right above his bed every night. 

He has always had a problem with intrusive thoughts but this is different. These thoughts raise his heart rate and bring tears to his eyes. He doesn’t even realize he is crying until he places a hand on a damp patch on his pillow. He doesn’t even bother to try and stop the tears. He tries to play music to help him sleep with no success. 

And so he just listens until he slowly falls asleep, with bad thoughts on his mind.

Sarawat definitely felt the exhaustion the next day as he dragged himself forward into the studio the next day. 

“You look like shit.” Was the first thing out of his best friend's mouth as he laid his eyes on him. 

“Thanks.” Sarawat deadpanned. 

“You alright?” Man asked as he walked into the studio with him. 

“Yeah, just didn’t sleep very well.” Sarawat sighed as he sat down in his chair and looked over at his best friend. 

“I can tell. Just writing all night or what?” Man asked as he sat on the edge of the desk, looking over at an overly tired Sarawat. 

“No, just…” Sarawat began but didn’t know what to say. He knew Man didn’t know about Tine but still, he felt as though it wasn’t his thing to talk about. “Just stressed and worried about stuff.”

“We’re almost done with the album. Nothing to be stressed about.” Man said, clearly not knowing what’s going on but Sarawat didn’t want to worry him.

“I always get like this at the end of records. But it’ll be fine.” Sarawat explained. “Is Earn coming in today?”

“No, but all the vocals are laid out.” Man explained. “We finished them last night.” 

“Perfect, I’ll work on production then.” Sarawat explained. “Can you and Boss come in with me? I don’t wanna be alone right now.” 

“Sure thing Wat, I'll call him up right now.” Man stood up to walk out of the office, leaving Sarawat alone for a moment.  
"Wat, are you sure you are okay? You know you can tell me anything." Man said, worrying about his friend as he rarely asks people to stay with him.

"I'm all good Man stop worrying about me" Sarawat said as he laid his head against the back of his seat, the image of Tine still on his mind.

This happens for the next three nights. Sarawat stays home practicing his guitar and goes to his band meetings during the day. But at night he blares music loud enough so he can’t hear the loud noises and the shouting. But when it’s time for him to lay down and sleep, he always seems to find peace with hearing Tine sweeping upstairs, because that means he is okay. Well, not okay but alive and present. 

But on the fourth night, there is no shouting or broken glass. He hears hushed voices and normal noises. He expects to hear the loud thunderous voice that usually shakes him from his sleep, but instead he hears nothing except the bird chirping outside his window. 

_______

The next morning he realizes how awake he is. He hasn’t felt this well rested in a few days so he decides to go take a walk outside to enjoy his sudden burst of energy. Sarawat decides that he's done moping around, so he made plans with Man and Boss. He slips on a pair of black Vans and shuts the door of his flat behind him. 

“— your mom wants us to go visit sometime, she says it’s been way too long since we’ve gone back home.”

Sarawat is walking out the door of the apartment lobby when he spins around to the voice he has been imagining in his head for the last few days. Exiting the elevator is Tine with, who he must assume is, his partner. 

This is the first time Sarawat had even seen the owner of the booming yells. The man beside Tine has slightly long black hair and is about the same height as Tine. 

The other guy shrugs and murmurs something Sarawat can’t hear. Sarawat goes to leave but he accidentally makes eye contact with Tine. 

“Oh! Sarawat! Funny seeing you here, well not really since you do live here but like funny seeing you-” Tine cuts himself off when he realizes his boyfriend is staring at him with a little too much question which makes Sarawat all the more uncomfortable. 

“Tine, who’s this?” His voice is smooth like peanut butter, Sarawat notes. 

“Oh right you two have never met, um Mil this is Sarawat, and Sarawat this is Mil. He motions in between the two of them. Sarawat smiles and nods. 

“Nice to meet you Mil, I just moved in below your apartment two weeks ago.” He glances at the floor and then back up at the couple in front of him. 

Mil nods and looks back at Tine without saying anything to Sarawat.

“And how do you know Sarawat?” 

Sarawat stares at the interaction between the two. At the question Tine slinks back into himself and makes himself look small compared to Mil. But Tine also keeps a certain level of composure. His voice is stable and practiced. He doesn't show any level of nerves in front of this guy who Sarawat knows has made him cry. All Tine does is submit to Mil. 

“Oh Sarawat came by to introduce himself the other night. You must have been in the shower or something.” Tine smiles at Mil, and if Sarawat didn’t know the nature of their relationship, Sarawat would have said Tine is in love. 

Mil smiles back at the Tine and then directs his attention back to Sarawat. 

“That was really nice of you.” This is the first time Mil has spoken at Sarawat, but it doesn’t sound friendly. It almost sounds like a threat but he could just be imagining it. 

Sarawat shrugs and says,

“No problem at all, anyways I should be going out. It was lovely meeting you Mil and seeing you again.” His attention is back on Tine who he looks at with care as if to reach out a lifeline through the air. 

Tine’s eyes brightened since he last saw him but that sadness is still there. As if to deny the life line he shrugs and his eyes point back towards Mil as a signal to Sarawat. Sarawat isn’t quite sure what Tine means but he does know that the yelling from earlier in the week isn’t over. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys liked this chapter. its a little short but i promise the next one is longer and filled with angst so stay tuned <3 <3


	3. Chapter 3

Sarawat isn’t one for too much of the outdoors but when it comes to dog parks, Sarawat loves visiting. 

He even has a friend, Pear. He meets up with her once awhile because she always brings her lab, Milo to the park everyday at 10 am. Pear is a sweet 26 year old. She always has so many stories to tell Sarawat and advice to give. He definitely thinks today is a good day to pay her a visit.

He grabs a bag of dog treats he keeps stowed away for these exact occasions and leaves the flat. 

____________________________________________________________

Sarawat plays with Milo and the other dogs at the park until Milo gets so tired that he collapses in the shadow of a tree. 

“You really do tire him out Sarawat.” Pear laughs and places down a bowl of water for the tired dog. 

“Yeah I guess I could let him have a break here and there, but the other dogs were so cute! I couldn’t let them not play with Milo.” Sarawat smiles and bends down to pet Tobi. 

“Why don’t we sit down and take a break then?” She motions to the bench that is conveniently placed a few steps from the tree. 

They both sit down and they sit for a few moments in silence just looking out to the park. The silence gives Sarawat a chance to decide how he wants to ask her for advice about Tine and Mil. 

“Hey Pear? Could I ask for some advice, something has been bothering me for the last few nights.”

“Of course Sarawat, now what has been bothering you that you need wise words from an old woman like me?” She smiles fondly at Sarawat. 

“You’re not an old woman Pear, you're only 26 but yeah I need some wise words. Anyways, there’s this guy.” 

Cathy looks at him knowingly.

“No! Not like that, he has a uh- partner.” Sarawat can feel the heat rising to his face. “And that is kind of the issue. They live above me and well, I’ve heard things.” Sarawat treads lightly on the topic. 

“What kind of ‘things’ now?” She smirks and Sarawat realizes that he really doesn’t know how to speak. 

“Get your head out of the gutter Pear. No like bad things. I’ve heard so much yelling, slamming of doors and glass being shattered. I even went up to see if everyone was okay, and this guy opened the door. Tine, that’s his name. But he looked so hurt and sad. It was the same every night for like a week. What should I do, I feel like it’s not my business.” He doesn’t mention that he can’t stop thinking about Tine. 

“Oh sweetie, that’s a lot.” She reaches to rub Sarawat's back. “There’s something I should tell you that might help.” She takes a deep breath. Her face is solemn and serious, the usual happy go lucky Pear has taken a break. 

“When I was around your age I had a boyfriend, as one does. His name was Boss. Boss was such a sweet boy at the time. We met at a poetry cafe. He went up and spoke about a pretty girl with flowers in her hair. Turns out he had seen me at that cafe before, and became infatuated with me and wrote that poem. I thought it was so sweet and I fell in love with him that night.” Her eyes aren’t full of love though, her eyes are focused on the ground as if concentrating hard to recount the whole story properly. 

“And everything was grand for a while. He would tell me how pretty I was each day. He would buy me flowers and later more expensive jewelry. I thought I had scored the jackpot with him. He was perfect for me. But then he went bankrupt. Yes, bankrupt at 21. He had lost all his investments and honestly I don’t know the details of everything because he never really told me. But that was when everything shifted. That was when I lost my love Boss and was met with a broken Boss.” She looks over at Sarawat, and only then does he realize that she had started to cry ever so slightly. 

“I didn’t even realize how bad he was getting. I was so blinded by my love for him, I hadn’t realized that the boy I fell in love with was gone. It was slow but everyone around me noticed the change. He was never home, he was always meeting up with his friends at the bars. I didn’t see anything wrong with him having a social life until one night he came home so drunk that he collapsed on the couch when walked through the door. It happened every night for a week. And finally when I brought it up that he should take a break, he blew up at me. He called me names and told me that I had no place in telling him what to do. That was truly the first time I had ever been afraid of him.

“The drinking didn’t stop, the late nights didn’t stop. I grew miserable at home but there wasn’t much I could do because every time I even mentioned it he would yell at me. I started doing more and more on my own. I went and got a job at the local grocery store to help with rent and I started going out with my friends more, since Boss was never home. I joined clubs and exercise groups just to get out of the house that was beginning to feel less and less like home.

“One night I came home from a dinner with some work friends, and there was Boss waiting for me on the front porch of our house. I went up to him to give him a quick kiss, because it was nice to see him home at a reasonable time. But instead of returning the kiss he opened the door to the house and yelled at me to go inside. I had no idea what was happening. He slammed the door behind us and pushed me into the living room when I tried to nicely ask what was wrong. He- he had never gotten physical when he was upset. I was shocked and I tried so hard not to cry. He was yelling at me for not being home and started to accuse me of all sorts of things. He wasn’t making any sense but I knew better than to argue. I just stood there taking the hits. Finally after what seemed like years of lecture he told me to go to sleep, so I did. The next morning I found that he had packed up all his things and left.

“I didn’t know what I did wrong. I wanted desperately to get him back. I didn’t know what had changed and I didn’t even realize that being with him was unhealthy. So I searched for him and eventually later that week he moved back in. Things went back to normal, well not normal. This time I didn’t go out of the house except for work. Eventually I ended up quitting my job because Boss wanted me at home to do house chores. I did everything for him. I was so in love with him even though deep down I knew that none of this was right. I wanted to be loved so bad that I did whatever it took to please him. 

“We were together for another year, I didn’t have any friends. I just stayed at home waiting for him to come home late and for me to take care of him when he would throw up and pass out on the couch. I lived for him. I don’t know what I was thinking. 

“He started leaving me at home for weeks on end because he had ‘business trips’ to attend. It was during one of those trips that I met someone else. That was when I met Earn. We were just friends at first. I met her at an 7/11 down the street from my house. She was always just there for me to talk to. She never asked questions about Boss, she was just a good friend. Until one day, it was the day after a huge fight with Boss. Boss had just threatened to leave again with not much reason. He was yelling and slamming doors all because I forgot to make dinner in time for him to come home. Boss claimed I didn’t love him and that’s what ruined me. I went to bed crying while Boss went out once again. But the next day I got to the grocery story and Earn must have noticed I looked especially tired. She noticed that I had a bruise on my left arm but she never asked a thing. But I couldn’t keep the secret any longer. I broke down right there in the eggs aisle. I told her everything and then she helped me out of the shop and invited me back to her place for coffee. She was there for me when no one else was. If she hadn’t been there at the 7/11 that day I don’t know where I would be. But after that day I started to see Earn more and more, and we became more than just friends. Boss would yell at me night after night, saying I was out of the house too much. I wasn’t having any of it. Earn showed me what real love was. She showed me that what Boss was doing to me was not out of love but out of hate and anger. Earn was a light where Boss was darkness. And finally I mustered up the courage to move out of Boss’s house and in with Earn. Boss threatened to kill himself when I packed my bags. He called me horrible names and swore that he loved me. But Earn was right outside waiting for me. She was there to save me from my own personal hell. She got me out of that place and brought me into her life of love and peace. Earn is the love of my life and I wish I would have known sooner.” She takes a deep breath, and Sarawat hasn’t said a word but he knows that she is aware that he is listening to every single word.

“Oh Sarawat, I haven’t told anyone this story, I’ve always been too embarrassed. But what I really want to say about all of this is; be kind to Tine. Give him a place to talk even if he doesn’t want to. If the space is there, he will eventually feel comfortable to talk to you about it. Just be there even if you don’t know his life story. Be a good friend because that’s what he needs. He needs to see what real love is, he needs to know that there is a better way to love and at last, a better way to live.” She wipes away the tears that have been falling down her face. 

Sarawat is still shocked by the story. Pear always loves to tell stories but nothing like this. This was so, raw and real. He even feels himself begin to tear up.

He pulls her into a hug and whispers,

“Thank you.”

She looks into Sarawat’s eyes and says with a smile,

“You are such a good person Sarawat, never forget that. Now let’s stop crying before someone thinks we have gone crazy.” She laughs and that makes Sarawat laugh. 

Sarawat thinks about what Pear just told him. He knows he has to be there for Tine, he wants to show Tine the better way of living, he’s just not sure how. Hopefully he can figure it out soon before anything bad happens, because the thought of Tine being hurt again shakes Sarawat’s entire core.


	4. Chapter 4

When Sarawat gets home after his visit at the park. He changes into some home clothes and decides to get himself an early dinner. He really doesn’t want to cook, so he picks up the phone to order Chinese takeaway. 

He’s about to watch his favorite series when he hears a knock at the door.

Wow, the food got here quickly? He checks the clock and sees that it’s only been 20 minutes.He shrugs and gets up to get the door, his stomach grumbling. 

He opens the door and his stomach drops. 

______

“Tine? What-” Sarawat is looking Tine up and down. He looks really rough. Like really rough. Compared to when he last saw him that morning, he looks like he had just been hit by a bus, or worse. 

Tine doesn’t say anything. His eyes are wide almost like he knocked without thinking about what would happen if Sarawat opened the door. 

“Wanna come in Tine? I can make us some tea, make yourself at home.” Sarawat opens his body to the rest of the flat. 

Tine nods and slowly walks into the flat. Sarawat guides him to the sitting room around the corner. 

“I’ll be right back okay? I’m going to get some tea, I’m assuming peppermint is good?” Tine just nods as he sits down on the couch. 

Sarawat quickly sets the kettle and goes into the pantry to find some snacks because Tine looks like he hasn’t eaten in a few days. While he finds where he kept the fresh baked cookies that he got from the bakery close to his house, he tries to reach back into his memory and remember what Tine had looked like this morning. He really can’t recall Tine having any sign of fatigue or hurt on his face. He actually looked rather happy that morning. 

He carries the tea pot and the plate of cookies out into the sitting room. He finds Tine standing up and looking at the few things he has hung up around the sitting room. Pictures of him, Man and Boss, the band, his brother and family and even Pear. 

Sarawat sets down the tea and scones and walks over to Tine. He sees Tine eyeing the photo absently, not really noticing his return.

“That’s my brother and his boyfriend.” Phil points to the picture. 

“Oh.” Tine says oh so softly. "He’s pretty.”

Sarawat’s head turns to him after he speaks. It’s the first few words Tine has spoken all night. 

“He is, after all he is my brother.” Sarawat tries to attempt a laugh but it comes out weak. Tine isn’t really paying attention and it’s clearly because there’s something else on his mind. “Let’s go sit down okay?” 

They both make their way to the couch and Sarawat offers Tine a mug and pours some tea. 

Sarawat struggles to think of what to say. 

“So… Tine? I don’t want to ask too many questions but why are you here?”

Tine stares at his tea and takes a slow sip. 

“I- I just wanted to talk.”

Sarawat doesn’t want to make Tine uncomfortable, but he also wants to make him feel like he can talk to him. 

“Okay, well let’s talk. You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to but I’m here to listen.”

Tine nods and they stay in silence for a few moments. 

All of a sudden there is a sound from the floor above. The sound is relatively quiet, nothing like Sarawat is used to hearing. Instead it sounds like footsteps and the closing of a door. 

Tine flinches at the sound and practically jumps off of the couch. 

“M-Maybe this was a bad idea. I shouldn’t be here, I should be in my flat, not intruding in your life. I’m sorry, I really am, I’ll be going now. Thank you so much for the tea it was so sweet of-“

Sarawat is on his feet and he reaches a hand out to Tine, but he flinches away. Tine looks down at the hand confused, but reluctantly takes Sarawat’s hand. 

“Tine you’re not intruding. I can get lonely too. You should stay. You haven’t even had a scone.” He smiles and Tine attempts to smile back and follows Sarawat back into the sitting room. 

The second Tine sits down on the couch he starts to cry. Sarawat just watches as the boy in front of him falls apart. They are sat really close on the couch so Sarawat slides even closer and pulls him into a hug. Tine is reluctant but he seems almost too tired to care, and falls into Sarawat.

“It’s going to be okay Tine, I’m here now. I’m here.” Sarawat sighs and holds Tine. It’s a little awkward due to their heights but it’s okay. Tine drops his heads into the space between Sarawat’s neck and shoulder. Sarawat slowly brings his arm up to rub Tine on the back. 

Tine flinches when Sarawat touches his neck by accident and pulls away from the hug. 

“I’m so sorry Sarawat for being such a mess, I hardly even know you.” He rubs the tears off of his face. 

“Stop that Tine. Stop saying sorry. You haven’t done anything wrong except come and visit a friend.” Sarawat looks at Tine seriously.

“Friend? But we- we just met.” 

“That may be true but yes, you’re my friend .” 

“I guess I just never thought I would be sitting here crying in your flat. I don’t even know why I came here.. I just-” His voice cuts off. 

“Wanted to get away? I know the feeling. And I don’t know your situation or how you feel, but I do know the feeling of wanting to get away from something. So we don’t have to talk about it. You can get away for a little while..” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, what's your favorite movie?” He smiles and is happy to see Tine’s eyes light up ever so slightly. 

“ I love The Perks Of Being A Wallflower. I used to watch it all the time until…” 

Tine’s voice trails but Sarawat cut him off.

“Nope we aren’t talking about that, we are going to talk about how that's one of my favorite movies too.”

Tine’s face practically morphs into a completely different one. This one is excited, one step closer to happy, this one is not afraid. 

“You do know that I'm going to quote half the movie right.” He smiles at Sarawat, which makes Sarawat feel relieved and also gives him a feeling that he can’t quite name, but it’s a good feeling. No, a great feeling. A Tine-smile feeling. 

He hops off the couch and turns on the TV and hands Tine the remote. 

“You do know that I'm going to join you right” They smile at each other and direct their attention to the screen. 

"Hey Tine, you can call me Wat. I know my name can be a handful."

Tine smiled at Sarawat, the first smile towards him and him only and Sarawat makes up his mind that he'll never let him be sad again.


	5. Chapter 5

“I can't believe it got over so quick!” Tine groans as he wipes the remnants of tears on his checks, Sarawat sniffles and smiles. 

“I forgot how emotional I get during this movie.”

“Well that’s just because you're a crybaby.” Tine deadpans. 

“Your mum's a crybaby.” Sarawat shoots back, but immediately wants to take it back. 

“Oh and you would know?” Tine smirks and they both burst into a fit of laughter. 

When they both calm down and Tine starts to find the next movie, Sarawat observes the boy across the couch from him. 

It didn’t take long for them to click. It didn’t take long for Tine to let down his walls and have fun. Sarawat is filled with wonder when he looks at the boy, but also he is filled with sadness because he wishes that Tine would be this happy all the time. Because that bunny-smile deserves to be seen, all the time.

And well, Tine deserves to be seen and happy too. 

Tine turns to Sarawat, and waves his hand in front of Sarawat, taking him out of his mind and back to reality. 

“Wat? You okay? Am I boring you by my movie choice? You can pick the next-” Before Tine can finish his thought the doorbell rings and Sarawat can feel Tine’s whole body freeze. (only now has he realized how close they were sitting on the couch) Tine stares back at Sarawat, not moving a muscle. His smile fades and that breaks Sarawat’s heart a little. 

“I-I’ll get that, stay here okay?” Sarawat’s voice is soft and careful. 

He gets up and makes his way to the door. He slowly opens it with so much caution. He inhales, expecting to be met with a certain very angry boyfriend, but is instead through the crack of the door he is faced with a teenager in a brown uniform, and the smell of chinese radiating from the bag that he was holding. 

Oh right, the takeaway … He opens the door and quickly makes the transaction, then brings the cartons and places them on the kitchen counter. 

Tine peeks his head around the corner and into the kitchen. Sarawat smiles to hopefully calm the obvious tension in the room. 

“Silly me, I forgot I ordered takeaway! Um, I think I may have ordered a tad too much for myself.. Care to join me? That is, if you’re hungry?” Sarawat motions to the counter behind him and the two empty chairs as well. 

“Oh. Um, I really don’t want to intrude, I’ve already interrupted your night enough. I should probably be, you know, heading back. Thanks for the uh, movie night?” He awkwardly starts to walk towards the front door of the flat. 

Sarawat realizes he doesn’t want Tine to leave. He wants a few more moments with the boy, and without the sounds that usually came from above at this time of night. 

“Wait,” Sarawat reaches out, about to grab Tine by the wrist, but Tine retreats his forearm too quickly. Sarawat realizes his mistake and chooses to respect Tine’s action and move on. 

“Don’t go, not yet.” His eyes drop to the floor, “I mean, unless you want to. But I do want to get to know you Tine.”

Tine’s eyes go wide, with wonder. 

“Really?” The words come out as an almost whisper. 

Sarawat’s heart breaks one more time. 

“Yes.” And he smiles, and the reaction he gets from such a small action makes the whole night worth it. 

Tine’s mouth curves up into a smile, un-confident and his eyes are filled with sadness but also a glint of hope. 

Sarawat doesn’t want to let that glint disappear. He never wants that smile to slide off of his face. 

The moment fades but it never turns awkward . He could imagine that the image of two tall lanky boys could look awkward, but for some reason. It just feels right. 

“Orange chicken?” Sarawat motions towards the now cooling bags of takeaway. 

***  
"So what's your favorite part of the movie?" Tine asks Sarawat in hopes to let lose of the awkward silence. 

"We accept the love we think we deserve" Sarawat whispers so softly that Tine wouldn't be able to hear if he wasn't focusing on him.

"Wat, can I ask you why? Tine asks tentatively

"Maybe we fear love or feel unlovable because we don’t love ourselves. I mean… our demons, our dark pieces, scare us so why wouldn’t they scare someone else? We accept the love we think we deserve maybe that’s why we don’t accept love at times, because we feel undeserving. We ache for something that we feel is unattainable, we long for it and end up accepting a low quality of something that’s suppose to bring us a sense of peace, a sense of home. Our lives are a scattering of small moments that lead to a bigger picture, there’s no rush to get to an end point and acceptance of what we don’t deserve is not a choice we have to make. We learn to love ourselves completely, we open ourselves up and let the light in so that those dark pieces aren’t all that scary anymore. We learn, we love and we give ourselves what we deserve. Finding someone to share that with, what we learn, is just a bonus to the journey."

The living room is filled with silence as Tine stares at Sarawat wide-eyed. He didn't expect Sarawat to give him such a response. He thought Sarawat would say that it "aesthetically pleasing" or "cool to say". But Sarawat spilled his heart out to him, a total stranger, a person he's met only a handful of times. It hit Tine that Sarawat is so much more than he seems and maybe, just maybe Tine could trust him.

"So, what's your favorite band"

\------

“You were at the same scrubb concert? No. Freaking. Way.” Tine leaves room for a dramatic pause between each word. They’ve only been chatting for fifteen minutes over orange chicken and fried rice, but Tine has already begun to relax which in turn helps Sarawat relax about the whole situation. 

“That’s insane, maybe we were sitting right beside each other and we didn’t even know.” Sarawat likes that thought, maybe they were meant to meet back then, but because the universe wasn’t ready for that, they are meeting now. 

“Sadly that is not possible because I remember I had an aisle seat and I was sitting beside this old lady and she was probably the most fun elderly woman I have ever met! She was right there singing and bouncing along to Uprising, truly unforgettable.” He sighs and scoops up more chicken onto his plate. 

“That’s one heck of a memory you have, I can’t even remember what I had for dinner last night!” Sarawat laughs and Tine lets out a small hmph , smiling fondly. 

“I guess I try and remember the good times as much as I can.” He focuses his eyes back to his plate, silence overcoming him. It saddens Sarawat immediately so he tries to think of something to say to cheer him up. 

“Well, an elephant never forgets!” He blurts, his cheeks reddening immediately after he realizes that what he said made zero sense and could totally be taken the wrong way. 

But there was no need to worry because Tine lets out the biggest cackle. 

“You think I’m an elephant Wat? I mean after all this takeaway I may start to resemble one…” He playfully shoves Sarawat, smiling and just like that, happy Tine is back. The reddening on Sarawat’s cheeks doesn’t stop, there’s no way Tine didn’t notice. He just smiles and reaches for the spoon to plop more chicken onto his plate. But Tine reaches out and grabs his arm softly. Sarawat freezes from the sudden contact.

“I-I guess I am the elephant in the room though.” His eyes boroughing into Sarawat’s, a mixed look of fear and trust crosses Tine’s face. He drops Sarawat’s arm. Sarawat looks back at him, intently.

“What do you mean?” Sarawat asks although he already knows the answer. He is trying to tread this subject with care without ruining a perfectly fun evening. 

“I just, I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it. But I will say that what you think about what happened, is most likely true. I just don’t think I want to put it into words because then it’s kind of like I’m admitting it’s real and I’m not ready for what comes with that you know?” He wipes his cheek, “Wow now I’m crying again, get a grip on yourself Tine.” He shakes his head and turns away from Sarawat.

“No, it’s okay Tine. You don’t have to say anything until your one hundred percent ready. Plus, crying is good, you’ve been through so much, you deserve to cry.” 

A moment passes while Tine lets out a few sobs.

“He always tells me that crying makes me weak.” He sniffles, not looking back up at Sarawat.

Sarawat doesn’t know what to say, so he stays silent. He can tell Tine has more to say.

“I don’t cry in front of him b-because I don’t want him to think I’m w-weak. I want him to think I’m strong. Maybe then he wouldn’t… maybe he-” But just then Tine completely unravels. His whole body falls down onto the table. Luckily, Sarawat pushes Tine’s plate out of the way. Tine is bawling. 

“I’m so fucking weak, I don’t deserve any of this. I don’t deserve this food, or this night. I deserve to be upstairs with my boyfriend.” His body pauses and he looks back up at Sarawat. 

“What the fuck am I even doing here? I’m such a cheating liar just like he says. I-I have a boyfriend. He needs me at home. That’s where I should be.” His voice is raised, which is scaring Sarawat. 

“Tine?” Sarawat’s voice is soft, almost a whisper. He tries so hard not to cry, from sadness or fear? He’s not entirely sure. What he is sure of is that he can’t handle seeing Tine like this. 

He reaches out to put a hand on Tine’s back, but he jumps up and the look that Tine gives Sarawat is one he has not encountered yet. It is a look filled with anger.

“What the actual fuck Sarawat? What are you even doing? I. Have. A. Boyfriend. Get the fuck away from me.” Sarawat is stunned. He retreats back, his eyes searching for the Tine he had been with all night.

“I-I just-... I thought we could be friends.” He knows his voice is weak, but he tries not to let Tine break him.

“You’ll never understand Sarawat. You just won’t. I’m going home.” Tine’s voice is tired but still filled with anger.

Tine gets up and Sarawat is too beaten down to say anything as he hears the door slam shut. 

He doesn’t clean up for a while, he just sits and stares at the seat where the other boy had just been.

Eventually, he does clean up. But he washes the dishes to the sound of yelling and slamming of doors.

When he goes to bed, he cries along with the sobs he hears not too far above him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so just when we were getting some progress between them i decided to bring them back to square one please forgive me lmao.
> 
> thank you for all the hits and kudos i cant believe y'all like this <3333


	6. Chapter 6

Sarawat wakes up to his phone ringing on his bedside table. He initially just wants to ignore it but when the ringing doesn’t subside, he chooses to check who it is.

He is grateful to see it’s his mum’s face that appears on the screen. He clicks the green button and puts the phone to his ear,

“Hello?” Sarawat asks, his voice still low and hushed.

“Hello darling, how are you?” Her voice is smooth and he already feels a little better.

“I’m good mum, you woke me up though.”

“What? Wat it’s 1 o’clock!”

Sarawat is surprised by this and glances over at his clock that reads 1:26. Dang, he really overslept.

“Oh, yeah I was up late.”

“Sarawat, we’ve gone over this, you don’t have to play your guitar all night. It isn’t going anywhere, and I still think that you could just practice for a few hours since you’ve been so stressed, with the move and everything.” Her voice is filled with concern.

“I know mum, I wasn’t actually editing, I uh- had a friend over.” He really doesn’t want to elaborate but he can already sense the incoming questions.

“Oh! Well that’s wonderful! I’m glad you’re making friends out there! Oh wait, or was it like more than a friend?” Sarawat can hear her sly smile through the phone, and he can feel a bit of heat rise to his cheeks.

“No! He was just a uh- friend. It’s complicated.”

“Well you know that I just want you to be happy Wat. Speaking of, I was wondering if you wanted to come home for a little while? A mother misses her son. That is, of course, when you’re not busy.”

Sarawat does always love going out to see his parents, he always goes back for Christmas but he wouldn’t mind going now, in the summer. He also knows his schedule isn’t too busy right now.

“Actually, that sounds like a great idea. I think I’ll have to check my schedule but I’ll try and make it out sometime this month, okay?”

“Okay! Well I’ll let you get on with your day then! I love you.”

“Love you too mum.” He hangs up the phone and hops out of bed.

***

When Sarawat walks out into the living room, everything from the night before comes back to him. The laughing on the couch, and the yelling by the dining table.  
He makes himself a coffee and then sits himself down on the couch. He turns on the TV, which was still set up for the switch, and then changes over to Netflix. He picks the recent anime he’d been watching, and let’s himself lose himself in a different universe.

***

After a few episodes, Sarawat decides to scroll through Twitter for a while. He checks his mentions, he likes and retweets a bunch of art.

It’s what he does when he’s feeling stressed, as he’s scrolling, he comes across a comment on his tweet from today.

“Thank you and I’m sorry.”

He almost misses it and scrolls past until he sees the account.

@tineteepakorn

He doesn’t want to assume. It could be someone different. But the comment was so out of the ordinary, since the tweet was about the book he had been reading. He can’t help but wonder if that was him. He decides to click on the account, and when he does he finds that the account had been made so recently, that there were no tweets or retweets except for the one comment.

It must be, it makes sense. But what is Sarawat supposed to do with that? Does he like the comment, or even reply?

After staring at the comment for probably a minute too long, he throws his phone onto the couch. He decides the whole thing is not worth the stress.  
So instead he gets up and decides to take a shower.

***

He stands in the shower, and only then do the feelings from last night really start to flow.

He feels so alone and lost. He has no idea what he’s even doing. Why is he getting himself involved in someone else’s business? Tine is right, he doesn’t really know anything about him. Why can’t he just let Tine go, why can’t he move on?

He knows his Mum would tell him that his heart was just too big for his own good. That’s what she would tell him when he would take the blame for someone in primary school, or when he would save up all his money to buy his friends Christmas gifts instead of buying lunch in uni.

But this is different. This feels like it’s eating him up from the inside. It feels like a mixture of guilt and obligation, yet he has no idea why he even feels this way.  
Tine is just a stranger, a neighbor at most.

So why can’t he help himself from getting out of the shower to respond to the comment that was left open on his phone?

***

“<3”

That is what Sarawat quickly types before he can regret anything. Only after a few minutes, there are more comments underneath that begin to appear. And that’s when he realizes the connotation that could have been implied with that reply.

He watches silently as people start to speculate who this random account is. He can already imagine the screenshots and theories that are being posted on the fan pages this very second.

It’s not the first time that they’ve gone into speculation mode. Most of the time he’s flattered by it, because it was always in good fun.

But this time is different, he doesn’t want anyone else knowing about Tine. And not in a mean-spirited way, he just doesn’t want anyone prying more than they sure and finding out the truth about Tine and his situation.

Sarawat feels stuck. He could delete the comment, but then that would just look even more suspicious. He could tell his fan club to stop and make up some lie, and they would most likely listen. But before Sarawat can go into full panic mode, he finds himself simply closing the app.

He finds his Mum’s phone number and sends a quick message,

I can be up North next weekend. Love you.

He then opens up a group chat with Phukong, Man and Boss, he sends them a message too.

Free tonight? Wanna go see a film?


End file.
